For most people that don't live in the UK, wont know what A-levels are.
A-levels are a qualifications you need before going into university and for most people, it takes two years to obtain. Its split into two years, AS and A2.
Throughout my school life, I've never had the difficulty of achieving good grades. I've never really given school a thought to what it lead me in life, I found school fun and thought of it as a game. The terms/semesters were the little levels in the game and the exam is the final obstacle you needed to complete before completing higher leveled story.
I can honestly say that I've never really studied for exams and what I called revising was doing a little book reading the night before or even just glancing at the diagrams. The grades I was getting by my version of revising never reflected the amount of revision I did the night before. As time went on, with the same pre-exam routine, I became more and more arrogant. I hated myself for being this but never really harm my grades so I continued being so.
Before I entered A-levels, I was completely clueless of the vast majority of pre-qualifications I could take, I thought of A-levels as another year I can do my "revision" and yet pass but I was wrong.
It's like a way for life to slap me in the face and say "It's karma, bitch".
As most of my friends continued to study the way they did before to achieve their good grades, they continued to obtain their desired grades, whereas I was failing. I barely came out of AS with the grades to proceed to the next year with the grades ABC (with some exam retakes)
As A2 came along, I set myself some new rules, to do the homeworks I was set and to do a little bit of reading when I have free time, but as time went on, I slowly went back to my old habits of not studying. I was back to square one, treating education as nothing but as a game, seeing what I can do swinging by the deep pool. By the end of the year, with the added grieving of the recent death of my uncle, I totally lost hope in going to university. I had 10 exams to do, whereas most people had 3, because of the added exam retakes. Need to say, I failed.
I achieve the grades CCE, not enough to take me to the universities I applied for.
It really hit me then, when I saw my family disappointed in me (education wise) for the very first time. I didn't know what to do, I regretted everything I did to that point. Blaming everyone and the everything for not achieving the grades I needed when really there is me to blame.
On results day, each one of my friends had a university place, they all were going up the level in life. And I was there begging the head of my year to let me retake. To much consideration she did.
Now, I will be doing my A2s again.
I want to and need to stay on track this year, and set goals and achieve them. I want to feel confident in myself, not be arrogant in my capability. I want to see my family and friends proud and especially myself.
This year, I want to be able to say, I did my very best and I hope I will.
That was really long, but if you stayed to read the whole of it, thank you so much for doing so.
Have you ever felt that you've failed everyone?
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